Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
