I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
