I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
