I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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