I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
