friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
