Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
