Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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