guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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