brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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