Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
