Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
