Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
