I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she looked like the before picture.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
