I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
