Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
