this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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