He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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