yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
