Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
