So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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