2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
