I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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