Your face is a jimmy john
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
