So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
