I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
