I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
