i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
