if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
