dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize