i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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