I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's the barista slut.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
