I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
