I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize