My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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