If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
