i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
