I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
