can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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