and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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