You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
