I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
try to milk me bitch
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
