I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love having hate sex.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
