halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
