Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
