I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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