i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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