There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You ruined the universe
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
