too bad you live with your parents still
a search helicopter?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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