Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
