i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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