idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize