you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
