nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
