so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
