so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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