he wants to bone in the snuggie
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
