whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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