he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize