I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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