So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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