It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
