Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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