That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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