i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
porn star boner night. come get it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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