My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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