Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
