Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
