Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
