I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
