Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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