i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
