can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
