so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
