I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
