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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm starting a business if you want to get involved

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  oh boy

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his

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• (661): View more from California

  fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.

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• (914): View more from New York

  If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.

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• (+22): View more from

  Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.

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