I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She is in my trunk
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I skipped work to stalk him.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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