New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
