his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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