I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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