these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
