apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
