I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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